So, if you are a young girl looking at the life of a mu’min versus the life of the dominant culture, the dominant culture may seem more alluring and look to have more opportunities than the mu’min life.We should not be surprised if we continue on this path that in another generation we end up with a community who is either not getting married or having more sisters marrying outside their faith and children who become adults who think that having children on their own is the ideal instead of in a two-parent home,” writes Heather-Laird Jackson.Shuyookh with large social media following often bring up the topic on their timelines.
This is very damaging to the psyche of the sisters in the community.
“‘Oh my God, she wants to be married, she is so desperate – astagfirullah…’ this popular statement comes mostly from married females when a single Muslimah shares with her that she wants to be married!! it’s like, as a community, we don’t have each other’s back anymore,” laments Naeema*.
“Young adults have increasingly come to see marriage as a ‘capstone’ rather than a ‘cornerstone,'” say the researchers at the Brookings Institute.
“That is, something they do after they have all their other ducks in a row, rather than a foundation for launching into adulthood and parenthood.” Surveys conducted by Al Maghrib Institute of its student body found that the main reasons that its students were delaying marriage were parents, finances, education, fear of rejection and commitment for men and fear of control and intimidation for women. In the meanwhile, women wait for proposals and decide to pursue further education while they are waiting.
Many immigrant parents tend to disregard the fact that their children are raised in the West, and will, ultimately have some elements of their personality influenced by the West.
The evolving identity of Muslims in this country further contributes to the marriage crisis. Is this preference due to the fact that they feel culture, ethnicity, and religion would be better preserved this way? Cultural baggage from immigrant parents is a constant problem in many of the communities, but many are optimistic that the tide is changing.
The ISNA marriage banquet sold out for the women’s section weeks in advance, while men strolled in at the last minute.
Al Rahmah Marriage Bureau in Baltimore has two women for every man in its database.
“I know sisters who have started dating because they cannot take being single anymore,” said Sr.
Denise*, a divorced mother of two boys from College Park, MD, attending the ISWA matrimonial brunch.
At a local marriage brunch, many of the women attending were born and raised in the US, educated and articulate, while most of the men were first generation immigrants, without large local networks.