He may say that he is still figuring things out and trying to sort out his life. And discuss the challenges that lie ahead of you: the similarities, the differences, the shared life goals, the different life goals.
Perhaps also reach out to couples who have gone through these discussions before, like a non-Muslim/Muslim couple, and ask what they did to overcome these differences.
It is possible that this man does have very strong feelings for you, but even if he feels like he is in love with you, he is not willing to treat you lovingly by your standards. I know you asked for a Muslim’s take on this issue, and I mention religion very little because what you need to understand is that this has nothing to do with religion.
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I am a secret to almost everyone he knows, and when he took me out to lunch at his favorite café he asked me not to hug him when I arrived, just shake hands.
I understand why, I really do, but personally as a woman of 41 years old that still wants to have children, am I kidding myself to think that he might eventually come around or that it could even work at all?
I find myself in a hard situation with a Muslim man I love.
I write because I don’t have resources within the Muslim community and would love that perspective.
I sincerely hope you find the love and happiness you seek with someone who can give it to you without reservation.
Shy Desi Boy replies: I once heard my Muslim female friend give her non-Muslim friends the following advice: if the Muslim you are dating does not tell his/her parents—or at least his/her friends—within the first year of the relationship, then walk away.I know the religious and cultural tenants can be very serious and I want to see this situation clearly.Our caring for each other is very unconditional, but maybe I’m kidding myself to think this could eventually work. Stop now before you tumble further down a hole of degradation and humiliation.But your case is different: you have dated this person for 9 month, you are 41, and you have a desire for a serious relationship that may involve having children.I recommend you sit with your partner as soon as you can and ask about his commitment. Tell him how you feel by the fact that so few of his friends know about your relationship and how anxious you fell over the direction/uncertainty of your relationship.Don’t delude yourself into thinking you’re an exception.